Journey to Parenthood

I want to be purposeful about journaling during this time in our lives as we watch our miracle micro preemie, Asher, continue to grow and thrive. I began this blog during my month of bed rest at the hospital while I was pregnant with Asher and his brother Titus. We continue to hope and trust the Lord for Asher's future. This blog begins with the story of how both of our boys came to be. They came about after many tears, many prayers, and many months of crushed hopes. On February 2, 2012, our boys Titus Bauer and Asher Mark were born at just 23 weeks and 2 days gestation. My water around Titus broke at 19 weeks, so his lungs were very underdeveloped. Titus lived 45 minutes and is now living a perfect life in heaven as he watches over his little brother Asher. Two and a half years later God redeemed our story of hurt with a precious full term baby brother for Asher. We are humbled by how the Lord has loved on us in our journey through parenthood.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Micro-Premie Motherhood Reflection

I've been convicted a little this week to enjoy being a mom- right now. And to be in the moment. I have been trying to learn the world of pumping...and it has had it's good moments and bad! But, overall, I'm so thankful that my milk came in and I can provide something for Asher. He gets tiny feedings right now, ( 1 cc) but still, it feels good that I can experience that part of motherhood, even though I don't have the baby with me everyday or nursing right from me. So, in trying to be a good and efficient pumper, there have been things I'd like to buy. I'd like a cute diaper bag to carry all my gear in so I'm not carting a purse and bag everywhere I go..this would help me be efficient, and it would bring me joy! I've waited a long time to pick out a diaper bag. I'd also like a smaller, more convenient pump. But, I have to be honest. I have a little fear in buying and spending money on those things with Asher being so small and so unstable. But then, I felt like God was telling me I'm a mom right now. I need to enjoy it now- whatever version of it I get. And I can't live in fear. If I lost Asher, it would be so painful to have all this mom gear to set aside, but I have to choose to hope and live in the moment. That's what's been a little hard this week. But, I'm thankful I get even this little piece of motherhood. Some women hope for children of their own to nurse or pump for and never get the chance. God has blessed me with a baby boy right now, and I am his mother right now even though I can't hold him, or do much of anything for him, I can provide him my milk and store it up for his future. And that's a blessing.


  1. I have a really nice medela pump, it is in a black "fashion" bag (so they call it)... it was really easy for me to take places and has a battery pack for the car etc... you're more than welcome to borrow it... I have new tubes, etc for it too, so you wouldn't be using "mine"... just let me know!
    I also totally understand trying to pump and do it on schedule while your baby is in the NICU... it's hard but SO worth it!!

  2. I'm an exclusive pumper myself so I am here to encourage you. It's tough but it's good!! I play games on my phone or surf the web to help the time go bye a little faster! ;)

  3. I had a NICU baby and remember thinking that this was the one thing that only I could do for my baby.

    And many insurance carriers will cover the cost of a pump. Doesn't hurt to check it out. :).

    The women's ministry at Pantego Bible Church is praying for little Asher too. :)

  4. You are doing good in pursuing the bag. You have to trust God and in his goodness and in today. You are walking in faith and not fear. I continue to pray for sweet little Asher in confidience that his health will be fully restored and he will be going home soon. And I will pray for you to continue to walk in faith and not fear.

  5. Robyn, I'm so happy to read this because you are exactly right. You deserve to enjoy pumping and diaper bags and "baby shopping." It's hard, but I will pray for you in this area. I know exactly what you mean about questioning purchases that could bring pain one day. But there is a greater pain - the pain of NOT embracing every sweet moment of motherhood. God has given you such a precious blessing in little Asher. Continue to choose hope, sweet friend! I love you and am praying for you.

  6. Robyn,
    You don't know me, but your mom teaches with my mom (Marti), and I have been following your story for weeks. Thank you for sharing your story with us and allowing us to pray for you and your boys.

    I love that you are treasuring your moments with Asher. Whether he lives 6 weeks or 60 years, you will want lots of things to remember him by. It just goes so fast. So I think you should have a diaper bag and anything else you need/want!

    Having said that, I nursed my boys for months after I returned to work, and I could not have done it without a good pump. Definitely stick with a good one - the Medela with the bag is what I had, and it was wonderful.

    We'll be praying for Asher and your family!
    Amy Neal

  7. You get that diaper bag! I did and I carried my pumping stuff in it everyday! I also had to end up getting a journal so I could keep track when I pumped last, and when I took my meds! And I also used it to keep track of doctor notes when talking about Beckett. Its so hard to not get the motherhood experience that most get...but pumping in the NICU was what I could do for my kids. Both Ellie and than Beckett. I also used the nursing. coover to cover pumping stuff (when I pumped at the bedside) AND I even got a few boy cloth diapers (burp rags) to set on my lap when I pumped...which I also carried in my bag! Oh, saw you weree going to leave a camera for the nurses....we also left a notebook/journal and the nurses would write to him, about his day when we were gone. Its really sweet to re read now. Hang in there mama! Praying for you all!

  8. Robyn, I also have an extra pump that is small (Lansinoh double electric). You are more than welcome to borrow for however long you would like. Please don't hesitate to ask, I would love for you to use it.

  9. Thank you for all the encouragement!! I bought a pump..I have one at home that we are renting from the hospital, but I was really wanting one that was easier to take with me and easier to move around the house too! It's all about getting more and more efficient! So, thank you for all the offers..I had my eye on one and we got it the other night. Also, my sweet friends bought me the diaper bag I's really cute and looks like a large purse, which is even better for right now since I don't have a baby with me. :) It's fun to get to enjoy even something like that-- something not important, but one of those little things you look forward to picking out and buying..being a first time mom. Thank you again!!

  10. Oh Robyn, how precious our Lord is in prompting you this week to cherish each moment of motherhood as He gives them. We so often miss what God has for us when we anguish over what may come instead of resting in His grace one moment at a time.

    You also don't know us, but we are part of your prayer team God has raised up around the world. Ann & I live in Russia, but are connected to TVC via podcasts. Since hearing Matt's intro to Galatians we've been praying for you, Bryan, and Asher. Our son Aaron is part of your FloMo body, and when we asked him for an update, he tipped us off to your blog. What a blessing to get to be part of what God is doing in your lives through intercession. Thank you so much for your vulnerability in placing this blog (and your wounded hearts) before the Body of Christ that we might share together in the Glory God is revealing of Himself through Asher's life and through your journey as parents, through all the pleasures and the pains.

    God's presence with you and with Asher in that little crib is 24/7, and it seems He's placed prayer warriors around the globe to be part of your 24/7 prayer blanket. We are 10 time zones ahead of you.

    Thanks again for the privilege of standing with you in this moment, as we relish each and every one He gives.