5 months ago
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Micro-Premie Motherhood Reflection
I've been convicted a little this week to enjoy being a mom- right now. And to be in the moment. I have been trying to learn the world of pumping...and it has had it's good moments and bad! But, overall, I'm so thankful that my milk came in and I can provide something for Asher. He gets tiny feedings right now, ( 1 cc) but still, it feels good that I can experience that part of motherhood, even though I don't have the baby with me everyday or nursing right from me. So, in trying to be a good and efficient pumper, there have been things I'd like to buy. I'd like a cute diaper bag to carry all my gear in so I'm not carting a purse and bag everywhere I go..this would help me be efficient, and it would bring me joy! I've waited a long time to pick out a diaper bag. I'd also like a smaller, more convenient pump. But, I have to be honest. I have a little fear in buying and spending money on those things with Asher being so small and so unstable. But then, I felt like God was telling me I'm a mom right now. I need to enjoy it now- whatever version of it I get. And I can't live in fear. If I lost Asher, it would be so painful to have all this mom gear to set aside, but I have to choose to hope and live in the moment. That's what's been a little hard this week. But, I'm thankful I get even this little piece of motherhood. Some women hope for children of their own to nurse or pump for and never get the chance. God has blessed me with a baby boy right now, and I am his mother right now even though I can't hold him, or do much of anything for him, I can provide him my milk and store it up for his future. And that's a blessing.