Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Thank you again for all of your prayers. God has answered all of our prayers so far and we are confident that He will answer this one too!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Asher was doing pretty well tonight! His antibiotics seem to be helping him feel better and have improved his oxygen levels. Bryan has been telling everyone he's the size of a water bottle, so he tried to hold one up to show he really is! We couldn't lay it right next to him because anything in his bed has to be able to be washed and sanitized. I put up his b-day decor, and one of his favorite nurses got his hand print and footprint and made him a birthday sign! So sweet! Also, I got to change his diaper tonight, and we both got to hold him up when he was getting weighed. It was nice to be able to do more with him. Getting to hold him was not "holding" like you dream about after having your baby... we had to be very careful, still, and exact with where we picked him up! Basically I put one hand under his bottom and hips and the other hand under his head and neck and just lifted him for a few seconds off the bed, then put him back down and they weigh him. But, I will say..this was still a treat and special to be able to hold him no matter how it was done! :)
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Asher has an infection and is not feeling well..so he's pouting a little in the 2nd picture. He's also opened one eye..we are still waiting on the other one. But it's fun to see him looking around a little! He's having some lung issues right now, but they are going to treat the infection first with antibiotics. After that, we will look at the lungs again and decide whether to do steroids or not. If he keeps requiring too much oxygen, we have to do the steroids. Too much oxygen and steroids both come with their side effects or risks. We are praying to believe and remember that every day Asher has has been planned out by God- He knew all the risks and medicines this little guy would have to take- and He's already in the future. The weight of those decisions is not all on us. We'll see how he does the rest of this week! The infection could be what's causing the need for high oxygen. If so, then that will resolve without doing steroids. We will see..as always..thank you for prayers!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Bryan and I both agree we hope to never do again what we did Saturday..Bury a child of ours. But any sad spots in Saturday were just overshadowed by a million blessings we experienced and it all points to the bigger picture. And to end the day.. Our sweet baby boy was doing well, and he opened his eyes!! He peeked at us, then closed them again. Truly a bit of perfect "refreshment" in this long journey. The Lord is good! I don't have a pictures of him doing this yet, but I will post one soon! He doesn't keep them open very long. I also wanted to include a picture of sweet Titus. His funeral was beautiful and everything we could have hoped for, a wonderful, healing celebration of his life and a celebration of all the Lord's doing.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
We were reminded today that 4 years ago we got engaged. If you don't know..it was quite the story! Bryan is a pilot..and we crashed trying to land at the runway in plano after he proposed. It was a very trying moment for not just us, but our family and friends as well. And God was so glorified in that, and we learned so much because we both walked away without a scratch from a completely totaled plane. God was faithful and good 4 years ago to make sure we would get married and have a future. He knew then this was in our future..4 years later I can say that we have fallen more in love with each other than ever before, and that we truly have become more of a team and have learned what it means to be married and attempt to die to yourself on a daily basis. Our marriage has been through a lot in 3 1/2 years. But God has been and is good in it all. He's been preparing us for this day- the one week birthday of our tiny premie miracle and the day that marks a week since our precious Titus went to be with Jesus. I'm so proud to be married to Bryan. He's more than a godly man. He constantly chooses the Lord's will. He constantly ministers to others regardless of what's happening in his life. He has constantly served me without hesitating, especially this last month. He is my rock, and a complete blessing. I could not do this life without him. Happy Engagement Anniversary Bryan! Love you!
Monday, February 6, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Today was and is a milestone in our pregnancy journey. Today we would have been at 24 weeks. We had planned on telling the boys names today and just having a celebration to be at 24 weeks- a critical point in viability. God had other plans, but we are still celebrating today, every milestone, no matter how small is so significant now. Actually each new day that Asher is doing well is a milestone that we are thankful for!! So, we still want to share with anyone who has not heard the meaning behind the boys names'. Thankfully, we had just decided for sure in the last week what they would be called. We had not discussed it at all until about the 3rd week we were here, neither of us had been ready before that to discuss names..with the losses we've had, and being unsure at 19 weeks that we would make it farther...it had just been a sensitive topic.
Both Titus and Asher's names are from the bible. Titus was head of the church in Crete. Paul wrote letters to him instructing him on leading the church. In Titus 1:4, it says "to Titus, my true child in a common faith". And then 2 Corinthians 8:16 says "thanks be to God, who put into the heart of Titus the same earnest care I have for you". Titus represented a strong name to us and with what he had been through and was facing, he needed a strong name, and one that represents a lasting impact. We believe our little Titus has and will continue to fulfill that purpose of communicating God's love, and Truth..just like the Titus of the bible. His middle name comes from a little lighter meaning! We are fans of Jack Bauer in the tv series 24...and in every episode Jack Bauer saves the world and always finds himself in situations where you wonder just how he will get out, and he always does...he's a pretty hardcore guy! One of our best friends made this comment about our baby A after his water broke and he moved his position from head down to laying across my cervix. It was definitely a "Jack Bauer" move! And Titus was letting us know that no one was going anywhere! We know Titus will have a lasting legacy for his bravery, and his sacrifice for his younger, and littler brother. We are so proud to call him our son. We have and will continue to grieve not knowing him more, and watching him grow..but we know his life served purpose and that will comfort us on the hard days.
Asher in the bible is one of Jacob's sons. When he's born Leah says in Genesis 30:13 "Happy am I! For women have called me happy. So she called him name Asher." It also means blessed! We thought this was very fitting for our "baby B". And in Deuteronomy 33:24-25 it says "and of Asher he said, 'Most blessed of sons be Asher; let him be the favorite of his brothers, let him dip his foot in oil, Your bars shall be iron and bronze, and as your days, so shall your strength be.' " So, Asher not only means blessed but also there is a meaning of strength behind his name as well! His middle name, Mark, I knew a long time ago would be in my son's name...if I had a son. Mark 9:24 says "I do believe! Help me with my unbelief." This verse is so simple, yet says so much. In all the infertility struggles we had, we had to cling to this verse..sometimes as painful as that was. We had to constantly pray that we DID believe God's plan for our family, but at the same time, we needed His help in the times it was hard to believe. I love that Truth. God expects us to trust Him, but He also has compassion on us in telling us He knows that won't always be easy, and that's okay to express that it's not easy. So Mark 9:24 has an even BIGGER meaning to us today as we continue to trust God for the future of Asher's life. We DO believe God is big, able, and willing to bless us with a healthy son. BUT, there are days where that's harder to believe. And so, on Friday night..when we were told we need to rush to the NICU so we could say goodbye to our Asher, we were sitting and watching the nurses work on him and we were at a loss for words to even pray. Bryan prayed Romans 8:26 and just told God we didn't know how to pray, but we knew the Spirit would intercede. After a few minutes of just anxious silent prayers, I reached over and said to Bryan "we need to pray his middle name".
So, that is the story of our boys names'. Thank you for praying for our little boy, and for us and our hearts. We TRULY have been overwhelmed by the love and power of the church..meaning everyone who's lifting us up- church is not a building. It's a people, fighting for one another in prayer, by showing love, and by serving each other . That is all of you. And we are more than blessed by your the love of Christ that shines through you.