Then, we sang "With Everything" by Hillsong. This song is my new favorite! It reminded me that with anything I'm going through, I'm called to praise God. And the Truth in this song that hit me the most is the verse in it that says "Let hope rise, and darkness tremble in Your Holy light." This is what I want in my heart, for hope to reign. Because where His light is, the darkness- Satan, has no chance! I have to remember this everyday when I'm in the NICU. Because everyday there is some hope told to us by doctors and nurses..but then there is always something new that Asher needs to overcome. I asked the nurse practitioner last night when things get less dramatic for A. She said, "when he goes home". Mmm..not exactly what I was hoping to hear! But then she said that every day, and then every week is a little better.
Bryan and I discussed on the way home that we need to always "let hope rise", but we also need to accept and be okay with the fact that raising Asher may always be filled with health challenges. We pray against that, but we can't have an expectation that when he goes home, all his struggles are over. We pray for that, but we just don't know. And so, we may have yet another thing to mourn. Having a healthy baby..and a healthy child. Many of the treatment options for the many things he needs have a side effect of neurological disorders later in life. That can be something like a learning disability..or maybe something more serious like cerebral palsy. (sp? too tired to look it up!) No matter what Asher's future holds, we have a Hope that shines through any dark spot, and reminds us His future is not in our hands.