Journey to Parenthood

I want to be purposeful about journaling during this time in our lives as we watch our miracle micro preemie, Asher, continue to grow and thrive. I began this blog during my month of bed rest at the hospital while I was pregnant with Asher and his brother Titus. We continue to hope and trust the Lord for Asher's future. This blog begins with the story of how both of our boys came to be. They came about after many tears, many prayers, and many months of crushed hopes. On February 2, 2012, our boys Titus Bauer and Asher Mark were born at just 23 weeks and 2 days gestation. My water around Titus broke at 19 weeks, so his lungs were very underdeveloped. Titus lived 45 minutes and is now living a perfect life in heaven as he watches over his little brother Asher. Two and a half years later God redeemed our story of hurt with a precious full term baby brother for Asher. We are humbled by how the Lord has loved on us in our journey through parenthood.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

First Time to Hold Asher!

Had to add this sweet belly picture too- this was right before he was moved Friday!



Yesterday, in our conversations with the dr it came up that I had not held Asher yet. The dr said to Bryan that I needed to hold him, and that if he did ok, we would try today. We were there for rounds this morning, and he told the nurses that we needed to do that today, and then he came by once I was holding him to check in and chat with us. We really like him and are so thankful he made this happen! We were expecting it to be a while before this happened, so what a blessing coming off such a stressful weekend!

It was quite a production to get our little 1 1/2 lb baby in my arms with the wires, iv and breathing machine, but once he was there and settled, it was a completely natural and sweet moment. We were supposed to have 30 minutes and then just see how he did. He stayed with me an hour and a half! I was looking at him...and was just in awe watching his little mouth and tongue move, hearing little breathing sounds and feeling his whole body jolt against mine when he hiccuped, and feeling his little hands and legs, and looking in his open eyes that were looking back at me, and all I could think is, "he's really alive and he's a real baby and he's OUR baby!" Sounds simple, but I just can't explain it any other way. Not holding him has made him somewhat of a display like you would see at a museum..like you're not sure if it's real until you get your hands on it! After a while, the nurses left us alone, and then came back later to check on us and we just started talking with them. The best part to me was sitting in a rocking chair, rocking my baby, while we talked to them. It was just a few moments of normalcy.... a normal mommy rocking my baby while talking to friends! I'm so thankful for today. But to be very honest, it made me thankful, but also made me so ready to do it again and again- and not in a hospital! But, I know I have to pull my mind back to this moment, right now. Today. Because God has things to show me and teach me in each moment, and right now one lesson is definitely a lesson of patience..on so many levels. But basically I'd say it's patience waiting for "normal". Man is that hard! And then at the same time, it's a lesson of having patience and grace for not only where I am right now, but where Asher is. A good friend just convicted me on this! Part of being a mom is having grace for where your child is-- and not pushing them to be more or better, or what you or the world defines as good or normal. Ouch. So, Asher is not a fat, healthy baby. And I need to enjoy him and encourage him where he is, and not just be wishing for something different! I'm praying for this truth to sink in.

If I can do that..I can definitely survive the next 3 months, and not only survive, but hopefully honor God doing it. So I have to focus on each day, and I was feeling like I was doing a good job at that at Grapevine. We had our routine. And then our new "normal" got all jostled around with moving to Children's. So, it's time to get settled in again with Dallas now being Asher's home! My impatience reminds me of Psalm 13. I have really loved this Psalm many times in this whole journey..all the way back to my miscarriages and the long, long stretches of time (not long in reality, but emotionally VERY long) in between pregnancies. I love this Psalm because the first few verses do something that we all need at one time or another. They relate to being in hard time..they affirm that those hard times can be agonizing to your soul, and I found comfort then and do now in reading that. It shows me that we don't have to have it all together all the time, and it's okay to struggle in your heart with what God has given you. But, I also know it's not okay to stay in that spot. And that's why I love the end of the Psalm..because it quickly brings the reader back to a place of reflecting on Truth and God's goodness. I'll leave you with that Psalm and pictures/video from today!

"How long o Lord, will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; give light to my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say 'I have prevailed over him', lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

BUT, I have trusted in Your steadfast love, my heart shall rejoice in your salvation, I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me. "

Psalm 13


video video

9 comments:

  1. what a blessing! so glad for both you and asher - it's so good for him! hopefully you will get to do much more of that!

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  2. This is the most amazing feeling in the world!!! I will never forget the first time I held my little boy he was 1lb (456 grams) you know your a mommy but it really makes it feel real when you finally are allowed to hold your tiny little miracle. He is just beautiful I pray for him daily God has big plans for Asher.

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  3. How sweet! So thankful that you were able to finally hold your little man.

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  4. I feel His face hidden from me. Your struggles will show others how He works. Love yall michelle

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  5. What a sweet gift from God! I know it was as cherished to Asher as it was to you.
    love to you,
    DeeDee

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  6. I am so moved and touched by your blog today.

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  7. Robyn, I am praying for you and Bryan and baby Asher. I read your blog as you live out Psalm 61:2, "From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I." You are faithful to keep pleading with the Lord for Him to lead you and He is doing just that.

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  8. May God bless your family through this journey. Your faith is inspiring. What a blessed little boy Adhere is to have such a loving and faithful Mommy.

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