Journey to Parenthood

I want to be purposeful about journaling during this time in our lives as we watch our miracle micro preemie, Asher, continue to grow and thrive. I began this blog during my month of bed rest at the hospital while I was pregnant with Asher and his brother Titus. We continue to hope and trust the Lord for Asher's future. This blog begins with the story of how both of our boys came to be. They came about after many tears, many prayers, and many months of crushed hopes. On February 2, 2012, our boys Titus Bauer and Asher Mark were born at just 23 weeks and 2 days gestation. My water around Titus broke at 19 weeks, so his lungs were very underdeveloped. Titus lived 45 minutes and is now living a perfect life in heaven as he watches over his little brother Asher. Two and a half years later God redeemed our story of hurt with a precious full term baby brother for Asher. We are humbled by how the Lord has loved on us in our journey through parenthood.


If you are suffering through infertility or miscarriage, you might be encouraged by reading about our journey with that as well. We went through 2 years of trying, both with and without fertility treatments and during that time we had one spontaneous miscarriage at 6 weeks and then had a tubal pregnancy that miscarried at 6 weeks as well. We did clomid, femera, and also shots to trigger ovulation, and shots to help with follicle (egg) growth as well. After our tubal pregnancy, the risk of that happening again increased, and so we did in-vitro. Our first round of it was successful and it resulted in our twins, Titus and Asher.

I hope that if you are struggling with getting pregnant you have a safe place to talk about it or people in your life who are willing to walk along side you. It is so hard to be in that place. It still hurts, and I don't feel like I will ever shake the label of feeling infertile. It is a part of who I am, and that part of the journey left imprints on my heart for sure. One thing I would say is to give grace. Give grace to yourself for all the feelings and thoughts you are having, it's ok. It's ok to loose it, it's ok to be silent, it's ok to react however you are. And give grace to others. Comments from others can be one of the hardest parts of this journey. But they need grace, because it's not something you understand unless you've been through it, and even people who have often forget the details and the feelings that go with it all. I would encourage you also not to push it aside. Because it won't go away with a pregnancy or a baby. That baby doesn't solve the heart issue of struggling with not getting what you want when you hoped for it. Unfortunately...that will rear it's ugly head from time to time. That is the biggest lesson I learned in the infertility journey-- and a good friend gave me a heads up on that. So, I feel it is so important for your heart to be able to talk with someone who can listen when you want that. Someone who can encourage when you want that, and someone who can continually help you see God's truth in it all, and remind you that He loves you, He's good, and He has a perfect plan. One of the hardest things to swallow sometimes is that His plan looks so different than yours.

If you are local, I help with a group that now meets once a month, called Hopeful Hearts. It is a christian support group for women who are dealing with infertility, miscarriage, or infant loss. It is a wonderful, safe place to feel whatever you are feeling and to be encouraged. They supported me so well through everything we went through. It is a special group of women. Hopeful Hearts has a facebook page you can "like" and read posts at.  You can message me as well for more info!

You can find my blogs about this part of our journey here:

The beginning:

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:



A book that I would HIGHLY recommend reading if you are in the midst of this struggle is Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake. It's full of Truth and scripture and just a real approach to how to suffer well through this, and honor and trust God's plan at the same time. I tabbed this book, highlighted, and read it again and again! This book also has sections at the end of each chapters directed towards the friends of those going through infertility- it's called "Burden Bearers". I love that she takes that perspective too because I think that's very important. 

Also, The One Year Book of Hope by Nancy Guthrie is wonderful too for any type of struggle, loss, or hard time you may be experiencing. I think the way the devotionals are written though, it fits well with going through pregnancy loss. I was given this after the boys were born, and it was such a healing thing to read at the time. 

This book, Safe in the Arms of God by John MacArthur is wonderful for answering some of the "hard" questions about losing a child...whether that be a miscarriage, stillborn, or an older child. I have often referred back to this book when encouraging others who have been through loss. There are wonderful, comforting truths in the Bible about this topic that he explains well in this book. 


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