Journey to Parenthood

I want to be purposeful about journaling during this time in our lives as we watch our miracle micro preemie, Asher, continue to grow and thrive. I began this blog during my month of bed rest at the hospital while I was pregnant with Asher and his brother Titus. We continue to hope and trust the Lord for Asher's future. This blog begins with the story of how both of our boys came to be. They came about after many tears, many prayers, and many months of crushed hopes. On February 2, 2012, our boys Titus Bauer and Asher Mark were born at just 23 weeks and 2 days gestation. My water around Titus broke at 19 weeks, so his lungs were very underdeveloped. Titus lived 45 minutes and is now living a perfect life in heaven as he watches over his little brother Asher. Two and a half years later God redeemed our story of hurt with a precious full term baby brother for Asher. We are humbled by how the Lord has loved on us in our journey through parenthood.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Asher's Baby Shower and Mother's Day..and a Little Reflection

So..before all this esophagus craziness..we had a pretty fun weekend! First, my shower was on Saturday and my sweet friends blessed me SO much with a wonderful shower!! My sweet mother in law and sister in law came in town too to celebrate with me! I had been waiting for a shower for a loooong time. And then, in January, it was something that I wondered if I would get to do or not. I had to "let go" then of the idea, and just focus on what was really important..healthy babies. But, a shower is just one of those fun, normal things I think every woman looks forward to for her first child. So, it was a sweet time of celebrating Asher.  I'm so thankful.  The theme was "Little Man"...I loved it! My friends did an amazing job and blessed me so much! I don't know how they did it all. They are all amazing and very busy mommies. Here are some pictures from that and Mother's Day too. My first Mother's Day was sweet, I got to hold Asher for a while...kangeroo style, and I really had to marvel at how he fits on me now when we kangaroo compared to when we first started doing it! He fills up a lot more space on me now! We started Mother's Day with Bryan's parents and ended it with mine and eating a nice homemade meal on our patio in great weather. It was a nice day.

The decor was SOOO cute! 

My beautiful mom! 

Wonderful hostesses 

Yes definitely were! 

Mother's Day Pics

My Mother's Day gift from Asher

Yummy meal on the patio! 

Mama Gail holding Asher for the first time! 

 Aunt Kandace holding Asher!

Dig Dig holding Asher- he loved getting held by everyone! 

It was a very nice, calm weekend! We are praying for more "calm" for Asher now that his feeding tube is back down. Please pray with us that it stays in. If it comes out (more likely since its in his mouth), then he will probably have to get a g-tube. This would be a surgery..and possibly a more long term eating method.  It is more important that Asher gets to eat...but we would really love for him to get back to working on eating from a bottle and not have to worry about feeding by g-tube. But, we know God is in Asher's future, and he's taking care of whatever will happen. We trust that. We just beg for his mercy on Asher's little body that has been through so many battles. 

I read a friends blog the other day who also has a 23 weeker, now a year old..and she had a video of them at the park with her son in a swing. She said they probably looked like any mother and son at the park, but they weren't. It was their first time to do that, and they both knew how hard they had to "fight" to get to that normal moment of swinging in the park. Reading that pricked my heart. I know that feeling...I'm in that battle and am, in some moments, feeling like those days are getting farther and farther away. And I'm so thankful for the many people who are battling with us, who are faithfully asking God for his help and mercy on Asher's behalf. We still can't say thank you enough. I don't want much, I don't have huge expectations, I don't think...I just want to have my baby at home without wires and tape all over him. I just want him to be able to eat. I'm a little bit over not getting to take him anywhere for a year at the moment...this puts a lot in perspective. I just want him to feel well, to not struggle to achieve things other babies do without effort, and to thrive. I want the best for the son I am falling more and more in love with every day. It's been a slow process, but the older he gets, the more like a "real baby" he gets..the more impatient I get for our life at home together to begin. All these things I want, but God knows what I need. I was thinking about Asher wanting food so much the last few days, and how we haven't been able to give it to him because we know the "whole story" or we see the "whole picture"-- Asher doesn't know or have the ability to understand why he couldn't eat. He just had to trust us, and be patient and find happiness in his pacifier and in us comforting him! So, I know sometimes God doesn't give us things exactly when we want them because he can see the bigger picture. He knows what we NEED. So, we have to do the same as patient trust Him, and appreciate what we DO have. Just as Asher had to appreciate the paci and his mom and dad trying to comfort him. Gosh, just barely 38 weeks gestation and 14 weeks old and he's teaching us so much. 

Everything Asher and Bryan and I get to do together after he gets home will be sweeter, and deeper than we had ever imagined. Taking him home...will be a sweet, sweet day. I had to remind myself tonight that 6-8weeks is really nothing in the span of 18 years of being a child. It seems FOREVER right now. We are so tired of hospitals. But it's a blip. That's what I have to remember. Just as the "one pound" days passed..this too, will pass. 

Lord, thank you for allowing Asher to grow past 4lbs and for healing his lungs! Thank you for the AMAZING support and prayers from friends, family, new friends, and even strangers. Thank you Lord for creating and sustaining Asher in the womb for 23 weeks,  and now for 14 weeks outside of it. YOU are the Great Healer and we are so thankful.  Please continue to have mercy on Asher's body and heal his esophagus and allow him to eat again by mouth some 
day soon. :) 


1 comment:

  1. Robyn,
    My son, Gabriel, was a 30 weeker, born with a GI abnormality and Down syndrome. We spent 94 days in the NICU and went home on oxygen and a g-tube. He will be 2 in September and still has the g-tube. I just want to encourage you that both of those are easily manageable. I had the same desires to have my son home with me without the tubes and wires, but the Lord knows infinitely more than we do, thankfully. If it comes to a g-tube, I would love to meet with you. I learned SO MUCH more from an online community of tube-fed parents than I did from the nurses and surgeon. Frankly, I don't even know how to bottle feed my son, it's so second nature :) God is good and will provide.
    Katelyn Rauch